100+ Amazing Funny Whatsapp Status in English

1) Math : Mental Abuse To Humans

2) Time Is Precious. Waste It Wisely.

3) I’M Great In Bed. I Can Sleep For Days.

4) Lazy Rule : Can’T Reach It. Don’T Need It.

5) Never Give Up On Your Dreams. Keep Sleeping.

6) Be Strong I Whispered To My Wifi Signal.

7) Women May Not Hit Harder. But They Hit Lower.

8) Nobody Texts Faster Than A Pissed Off Female.

9) With Great Power Comes Great Electricity Bill. ( Funny Whatsapp Status )

10) Dear Karma, I Have A List Of People You Missed.

11) I Can’T Taste My Lips. Could You Do It For Me ?

12) If Stress Burned Calories, I’D Be A Supermodel.

13) Don’t Make Me Laugh. I’M Trying To Be Mad At You.

14) Life Is Short. Smile While You Still Have Teeth.

15) Be Warned : I’M Bored. This Could Get Dangerous.

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16) I Am Brilliant Brunette With Lots Of Blond Moments.

17) Interrupt My Sleep & I’Ll Interrupt Your Breathing.

18) I Will Marry A Girl Who Looks Pretty In Aadhaar Card.

19) As Usual, There Is A Great Woman Behind Every Idiot.

20) There’S Always A Person That You Hate For No Reason. ( Funny Status for Whatsapp )

21) Life Is Full Of Questions. Idiots Are Full Of Answers.

22) My Boss Told Me To Have A Good Day….So I Went Home.

23) When Life Gives You Lemons, Squirt Someone In The Eye.

24) Kiss Me If I’M Wrong But Dinosaurs Still Exist Right ?

25) I’ Not Hungry. But I Am Bored. Therefore, I Shall Eat.

26) Marriage Is A Workshop Where Husband Works & Wife Shops.

27) If You Tickle Me, I’M Not Responsible For Your Injuries. ( Funny Quotes )

28) Zombies Are Looking For Brain. Don’T Sorry. You Are Safe.

29) Please God If You Can’T Make Me Slim. Make My Friends Fat.

30) My Mom Said ” Follow Your Dreams “, So I Went Back To Bed.

31) Q Quite Man Is A Thinking Man. A Quite Woman Is Usually Mad.

32) The Four Words A Girl Most Wants To Hear. I Bought You Food.

33) I Love My Six Pack So Much. I Protect It With A Layer Of Fat. ( Funny Whatsapp Status )

34) If Women Could Read Minds, Every Second Man Will Get Slapped.

35) I Don’T Have A Bucket List But My Fucket List Is A Mile Long.

36) An Apple A Day Keeps Anyone Away, If You Throw It Hard Enough.

37) It’S Better To Be Absolutely Ridiculous Than Absolutely Boring

38) You Don’T Have To Be Crazy To Hang Out With Me. I’Ll Train You.

39) Oh! I Am Sorry. I Forgot. I Only Exist When You Need Something.

40) I Won’T Be Impressed With Technology Until I Can Download Food.

41) If I Had A Dollar For Every Smart Thing You’Ve Said I’D Be Poor. ( Funny Whatsapp Status )

42) I Will Slap You So Hard That Even Google Won’T Able To Find You.

43) I’M Going To Stand Outside. So If Anyone Asks, I Am Outstanding.

44) If People Are Talking About You Behind Your Back, Then Just Fart.

45) Remember If We Get Caught, You Are Deaf And I Don’T Speak English.

46) I Am Currently Experiencing Life At The Rate Of 15 Wtf’S Every Hours.

47) Dear I Know We Had Problems When I Was Younger….But I Love You Now.

48) All My Life I Thought Air Was Free….Untill I Bought A Bag Of Chips.

49) Marriage Lets You Annoy One Special Person For The Rest Of Your Life.

50) I’Ll Be Back In 5 Minutes But If I’M Not Just Read This Message Again.

51) Sometimes You Just Want To Throw Fertilizer At People So They Grow Up.

52) When I Was A Kid I Used To Think The Moon Followed Our Car Everywhere.

53) If Each Day Is A Gift, I Would Like To Know Where I Can Return Mondays.

54) If You Say You’Re Cooler Than Me….Does That Make Me Hotter Than You ?

55) My Room Is Not Messy, It Is An Obstacle Course Designed To Keep Me Fit. ( Funny Whatsapp Status )

56) Sleeping Is My Drug. My Bed Is My Dealer & My Alarm Clock Is The Police.

57) My Goal This Weekend Is To Move Only Enough So People Know I’M Not Dead.

58) I”M Going To Bed Really Means I’M Going To Lie In Bed And Go On My Phone.

59) I Wish I Lived In A World Wher Mosquitoes Would Such Fat Instead Of Blood.

60) God Made Every Person Different. He Got Tired By The Time He Got To China.

61) Cell Phones These Days Keep Getting Thinner & Smarter. People The Opposite. ( Funny Quotes )

62) I Don’T Always Get Asked Out On A Date. But When I Do….It’S On April 1St.

63) I Will Do Anything Humanly Possible To Reach The Remote Without Getting Up.

64) I Wasn’T Mad. But Now That You Asked Me 7 Times If I’M Mad…Yes, I’M Mad !

65) The Word ” Studying ” Was Made Up Of Two Words Originally ” Students Dying “.

66) Am I Only The One Who Calculates How Much Sleep I Can Get Before Going To Bed ?

67) I Don’T Need A Hair Stylist, My Pillow Gives Me A New Hairstyle Every Morning.

68) I’M Super Lazy Today !! Which Is Like Normal Lazy, But I’M Also Wearing A Cape.

69) During The Day, I Don’T Believe In Ghosts. Ar Night I’M Little More Open-Minded.

70) That Moment When You Miss One Step On The Stairs & You Think You’Re About To Die.

71) Don’T Think Of Yourself As An Ugly Person. Think If Yourself As A Beautiful Monkey.

72) I Smile Because You’Re My Family. I Laugh Because There’S Nothing You Can Do About It. ( Funny Status for Whatsapp )

73) Dear Math, Please Grow Up & Solve Your Own Problems. I’M Tried Of Solving Them For You.

74) Sometimes, I Forgot How To Spell A Word So I Change The Whole Sentence To Avoid Using It.

75) I Hate When I Plan Conversation In My Head & Other Person Doesn’T Follow The Damn Script.

76) Long Time Ago I Used To Have A Life, Until Someone Told Me To Get Into Social Networking.

77) Sometimes I Wish I Was A Bird….So I Could Fly Over Certain People & Poop On Their Heads.

78) Always Speak The Truth No Matter How Bitter Harsh It It. But Run Immediately After Saying It.

79) Chocolates Comes From Cocoa, Which Is Tree. That Makes It A Plant….So Chocolate Is A Salad.

80) I Don’T Have To Worry About Getting Kidnapped, They Would Bring Me Back In Less Than An Hour. ( Funny Whatsapp Status )

81) The Biggest Difference Between Men And Women Is What Comes To Mind When The Word Facial Is Used.

82) My Idea Of A Good Morning Is One When I Open My Eyes, Take A Deep Breath, Then Go Back To Sleep.

83) I Hate It When People Are At Your House & Ask ” Do You Have A Bathroom ?” No, We Pee In The Yard.

84) They Say That Love Is More Important Than Money, But Have Ever Tried To Pay Your Bills With A Hug ?

85) People Say Everything Happens For A Reason, So When I Punch You In The Face, Remember I Have A Reason.

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86) No. I Am Not Single. I Am In A Long Distance Relationship Because My Future Boyfriend Lives In Future.

87) It Takes Real Skill To Choke On Air, Fall Up Stairs & Trip Over Completely Nothing. I Have That Skill. ( Whatsapp Status Funny )

88) People Have Become Really Naughty On Whatsapp. Even Married Women Have Put Their Status As ” Available “.

89) When Guys Get Jealous, Its Actually Kind A Cute. When Girls Get Jealous World War Iii Is A About To Start.

90) Its Really Funny And Hilarious When Wife Thinks Shes Punishing Her Husband By Not Talking To Him For Days.

91) Everything Happens For A Reason. But Sometimes The Reason Is That You’Re Stupid And You Make Bad Decision.

92) Life Is Too Short To Be Serious All The Time. So, If You Can’T Laugh At Yourself, Call Me….I’Ll Laugh At You.

93) When I Text You A Massive Paragraph And You Reply 40 Minutes Late With ” K “….Are You Asking To Be Punched ?

94) I Wish Falling In Love Has Traffic Light Too, So That I Would Know If I Should Go For It, Slow Down, Or Just Stop. ( Funny Whatsapp Status )

95) When You’Are Stressed, You Eat Ice Cream, Cake, Chocolate & Sweets. Why ? Because Stressed Spelled Backwards Is Desserts.

96) Whenever I Have A Panic Attach I Put A Brown Paper Big Over My Mouth…And Drink All Of The Vodka Inside It Seems To Help.

97) I Changes My Password To “Incorrect” So Whenever I Forget What It Is, The Computer Will Say ” Your Password Is Incorrect “.

98) When I Call My Parents & They Don’T Answer It’S No Big Deal But When They Call Me & I Don’T Answer Its Like To World War Iii.

99) People Often Say Laughter Is The Best Medicine, But They Neglect To Mention That An Overdose Can Cause One’S Ass Too Fall Off.

100) Never Get Jealous When You See Your Ex With Someone Else, Because Our Parents Taught Us To Give Our Used Toys To The Less Fortunate. ( Funny Status )